Relationships in modern times

In Time Magazine's recent poll on the state of the America woman it found that 66% of both men and women are "very happy" when it comes to their marriage or partnership. And both sexes also came in with roughly the same results when it comes to "not at all happy" - at 1%.

This is good news...although I wonder how many couples feel pressured to present themselves at happy when asked by outsiders. I hope I'm wrong.

Interestingly enough more men (82%) than women (75%) said it is "very important" for a romantic partner to "give love and affection." Apparently men need all they can get too!

How often do you and your partner have sex? check out some new research in this area:
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/03/when-sex-leaves-the-marriage/?em

Today is the last day of "Get In Touch With Your Feminine Side Month." Gentlemen: how about a "female" flick tonight??? Or, a bubble bath - how long has it been??

Have you booked your summer vacation yet?  Today, I read in Fitness magazine that married women who take at least TWO vacations a year are reportedly more happily married than women who take less, or (god forbid) none! Seems we 2+ vacationers are less stressed, less tense, etc. etc. I'm of to tripadvisor.com! Aloha...deb

The Top 10 Secrets to a Long and Happy Marriage From Happily Married Couples

By Samuel M Stone on www.ezinearticles.com

http://ezinearticles.com/?10-Top-Secrets-to-a-Long-and-Happy-Marriage-From-Happily-Married-Couples&id=2287418

When you look at the statistics of divorce in the United States they really are alarming, almost half of all marriage fail in divorce. This raises a few questions such as "What is the secret to a long and happy marriage?" All marriages will have their ups and downs, but something is wrong when almost half are failing. In a recent survey of happily married couple here is the 10 most common things they said why they are successful.

1. Always make time for the two of you.
2. Remember that marriage is sometimes a bed of roses and sometimes there are thorns.
3. Never go to bed angry.
4. Remember that people do fight. It's how you do it that matters. So fight naked
5. Before starting an argument, consider if it's really worth it.
6. Marry someone that you enjoy listening and talking to.
7. For each time you vent about your husband/wife to your friends, tell three positive stories.
8. Remember that "love is like childhood. You need to learn to share."
9. Marriage is not 50/50, its two people giving 100/100 all of the time.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to say "I love you".

If you take a close look at all of these guide lines they are nothing new and won't cost you any money, however if you practise them and some of them will require a lot of practise for some of you, there is no reason why you can't have a long and happy marriage like many others in the United States and around the world. And as a bonus here is a extra guild line for 11. Be quick to say "I'm sorry".

For more insight into the troubles many marriages face and steps you can take to save your relationship, visit this http://AutomaticLifestyle.com/marriage/ Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Samuel_M_Stone

On choosing to stay with your partner, from Barry Schwartz's "The Paradox of Choice":

"Agonizing over whether your love is 'the real thing' or your sexual relationship above or below par, and wondering whether you could have done better is a prescription for misery. Knowing that you've made a choice that you will not reverse allows you to pour your energy into improving the relationship that you have rather than constantly second-guessing it" (p. 229)

Bad Marriages Harder on Women's Health
More likely than mates to show signs of metabolic syndrome in strained unions, study finds

By Kathleen Doheny
HealthDay Reporter

THURSDAY, March 5 (HealthDay News) -- The cardiovascular damage wrought by an unhappy marriage may be greater for women than men, a new study shows. While both men and women in "strained" unions, those marked by arguing and being angry, were more likely to feel depressed than happier partners, the women in the contentious relationships were more likely to develop high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar and other markers of what's known as "metabolic syndrome," said study author Nancy Henry, a doctoral candidate in clinical healthy psychology at the University of Utah. Metabolic syndrome is known to boost the risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes. While many studies have linked poor marriages with poor health, Henry said she believes her is the first to tie in depression as a possible route through which the strain boosts the risk of metabolic syndrome. "The negativity triggers the depression, which is associated with the metabolic syndrome," said Henry. This was found true, she said, only for the women in her study. For the study, she interviewed 276 couples, median age 54, by questionnaires, asking about positive aspects of marriage quality such as mutual support and sharing, and negative aspects such as arguing, feelings of hostility and disagreeing over important issues such as kids, sex, money and in-laws. She asked about depressive symptoms. Couples were married, on average, 27.5 years, most in their original marriage. For the rest of the story, click here to go to the HealthDay website article.

A great quote on enlightened relationships from Eckhart Tolle in "The Power of Now", p. 128:

"The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partners as he or she is, without needing to judge or change them in any way.. That Immediately takes you beyond ego. All mind games and all addictive clinging are then over. There are no victims and no perpetrators anymore, no accuser and accused. This is also the end of all codependency, of being drawn into somebody else's unconscious pattern and thereby enabling it to continue. You will then either separate - in love - or move more deeply into the Now together - into Being. Can it be that simple? Yes, it is that simple."

Happy Hearts Day everyone! xo

Thanks to the Onion for today's Yuck:

Valentine's Day 2009

Relationship Tips

FEBRUARY 6, 2009 | ISSUE 45•07
Many couples find their relationships stuck in a rut after they've been together for a while. Here are some ways to rekindle the fires of love:

• Remember: Fragrant roses, moonlit walks, and candlelight dinners are all wonderful ways to avoid addressing the real problems in your marriage
  Check out the rest of the list at The Onion:
  http://www.theonion.com/content/tips/relationship_tips
  
  

Here's a very interesting OpEd piece in today's New York Times, entitled "Till Children do us part". It discusses the impact that that children have on a marriage, and notes that parents spend significantly more time with their kids, and less time with each other, than in years past. My favorite quote from the piece...perhaps one to take to heart..."the airline warning to put on your own oxygen mask before you place one on your child also holds true for marriage"

Some ways to give back and simultaneously give to your sweetie this Valentine's Day:


1. Invest in a poor entrepreneur and get your lover some chocolate to boot, at Microplace.

2. 14 Charitable ways to celebrate Valentine's Day.

The Costco Magazine ("Costco Connection") did a nice feature on Lambs on Love for their most recent Feb 2009 Issue. Check it out here.

Oprah.com has some good resources for couples on the new relationship channel, including a recent series on Sexuality. You can also download the video or audio from these shows from iTunes.

RED HOT PASSION FOR GOOD
Source: California Psychics
By Maryam Henein

Do you suddenly have a headache at the thought of making love to your partner? Would you rather spend the evening at a bar with friends than snuggled up on the couch with them? Would you like to rekindle the romance but simply don't know how?

Anyone who's been in a long-term relationship knows that's it's easy to get into a rut. Yet successful couples realize that romance and passion ebbs and flows. Such is life. The difference between those who make it work and those who don't, however, is that successful couples continuously make an effort to infuse romance rather than wait till the relationship is too stale to salvage. It's an ongoing effort. That shouldn't be brain surgery, and yet, all of us struggle with it from time to time. The real question is whether or not you really want to make things work. So...

Ask yourself, do you want to be together? That's the bottom line. If you do, it's never too late to add some sizzle with the suggestions below.

Admit it and let it go
To begin with, it's important to look at the underlying reasons why you are no longer connecting. Are you still attracted to them? Did you ever feel passion towards your partner, or are they more of a friend? Are you turned off because they've let themselves go? Are you angry? The accumulation of resentment is a major reason couples grow apart sexually. So you need to learn to let petty issues go, and discuss the bigger ones. Couples who make up instead of hold a grudge are the ones that survive in the long-run.

Remember and honor
What brought you two together in the first place? Think about it. Remember their smile... the way they liked to play footsie with you before you dozed off... the fact that they obsessed with oral hygiene and flossed three times a day. Bring to mind all those silly and endearing things that make your lover who they are. It's important to recall those initial feelings of attraction.

"My favorite thing is to treat each other the way you first did when you were trying to seduce the person," adds Dr. Judith Kuriansky Idiot's Guide to Healthy Relationships.. Flirt. Dress up for them. Wear sexy lingerie. Do it even if it feels contrived at first. Also, concentrate on the positive rather than whining and begging about what they're not doing. Better yet, put your best foot forward and do something for them. For every negative there should be five positives, adds Kuriansky.

It's very important to make sure you appreciate one another. Do lots of small things consistently. Let your partner know that they matter. Respond to their email. Leave a sticky note in their pocket, compliment their hair. Buy them a gift simply because you love them.

Reprioritize
Move your relationship back to a priority position - schedule time together like you would a business meeting - and treat that time together like you're meeting with your best client, suggests Debbie and Paul Lamb, the co-founders of Lambs on Love, a company dedicated to the improvement of couple relationships.

And don't wait for a holiday like Valentine's to do something romantic. It's expected and therefore not really as special. Mix in novelty. Do something spontaneous - show up at work with plans for a night out, plan a different kind of outing. Consider scheduling a weekly date night. Take turns deciding what to do. Plan a weekend getaway or revisit a place that holds special memories for you.

Bedroom play
Whether it's trying a different position, adding a toy or playing X-Rated scrabble, being willing to try something new can change how you see each other, says Pat Davis author of the Passion Parties Guide to Great Sex: Secrets and Techniques to Keep Your Relationship Red Hot.

Don't forget to chat. Remember, the most important sex organ is your tongue, adds Davis. Talk without judgement or attacks. Really listen. Ask your partner what pleases them in and out of the bedroom. We're constantly evolving, so even though you've been together for eons, there's still a myriad of things to discover about each other.

It is never too late to spice things up. If you're married, you've made a real commitment and it's worth the effort. Try to make it work for you, your higher self, the kids and the community. There's a lot at stake, not least of which is your happiness!